It has been one year since I held my son for the first time and the mom guilt is beginning to sink in. I feel guilty for feelings and situations that I had no control over. I was robbed of the first six months of my son’s life, the squishy stage as I like to call it. Those months are all a blur to me and it hurts. It hurts only having pictures and stories of my son’s birth but very little memory of what happened while I was in the hospital. It hurts not remembering the first time he rolled over. It hurts only remembering the pain and exhaustion that overtook my body those first months. It hurts seeing the pictures and how much he has grown but only recalling memories from six months old until now, and even in that time frame some memories are a blur.
If you were to ask me about those first months of my sons life I would describe them in these four words, angry, frustrated, scared, and tired.
We live in a VERY opinionated world. Everyone always has something to say about every little thing you do. Whether they are advertisements, people you know, or even complete strangers when you are pregnant or a young mom everyone thinks they can have a say in what is going on. I got pregnant at 17 shortly after my husband and I married, so I heard a lot of things that I really didn’t care to hear from people. Here is my top list of things that I heard that people really should’ve kept to themselves and why they should’ve.
In the time that I have been blogging I have not properly introduced myself, so that is exactly what this post is. It’s time to get close and personal with me! My name is Jennifer Brock. I am a mother of one amazing little boy. My husband, Joe, and I started dating in April 2014, got engaged November 2014, and on January 31, 2015 we married! Soon after we married I became pregnant with our little monkey, Joshua Alexander Brock. While I was pregnant I attended my dream school, Christ For The Nations Institute, with hopes of being able to major in Missions ministry, graduate, and be sent to India to work in Human Trafficking Safe Houses with the rescued women.
After fighting through school with morning sickness my husband and I had a change of plans. I would not be able to continue to attend school like I had planned after Joshua was born, so we moved back to my husband’s home town.
Most of my life I have battled with some sort of mental illness. One of the greatest helps through my battles has been knowing that I am not alone. I have managed to get through most of it with the help of God, my friends and family, and writing. Writing has been a passion of mine ever since I was little. I remember writing children’s stories instead of working on my school work during my Jr. High and High School years.
My mom is my hero and my best friend. She raised my brother and I to be the people we are today. She always relied on God even in the tough times and we always managed to make it out alive, I always managed to make it out alive because of her.
My husband and I are HUGE nerds. Harry Potter, Star Wars, Marvel, you name it we are probably a part of the fandom associated with it!!! I may not be considered much of a gamer at all but I do enjoy watching ESports as well as gameplays and streams! Most of our family activities include bonding over our favorite Competitive Call Of Duty team, Optic Gaming.
I love Jesus, coffee, helping others, anything Fandom related, and I am a makeup addict! I’m a 19 year old mom what else would you expect? What else do you want to know about me? Comment below with a question (goofy or personal) and I will answer it as soon as I can!!!!