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A Letter To the Dad that Didn’t Choose Me

Dad,

For years I hated you. I hated how you chose her over us. I hated that every year I waited for you to come back around and every year I was let down. I hated every phone call we had that I had to fight to hold back tears until one of us hung up. I hated how you missed my sweet 16, my graduation, my wedding, and other important life events.  I hated all the nights that I would cry myself to sleep because I simply wasn’t enough for you.  My super hero turned into a super villain. My knight in shining armor wasn’t a king but more like a dragon in disguise.

You broke my moms heart for your own pleasure. We had to suffer the consequences of your actions.  Mom found God, but your children searched day after day for that one thing that would fill the void that you left. From self harm, suicide, porn, and love in all the wrong places we could not fill that void until we found God.  And until we found God we hated you because we didn’t know how to love or forgive. But that’s the beauty in the relationship we built with our heavenly father, He taught us unconditional love and grace.

You don’t deserve grace, nobody does, but after years of hating you, I finally forgave you. I forgave you for choosing her over us. I forgave you for the years you never came around. I forgave you for every phone call that I had to fight to hold back the tears. I forgave you for all the life events that you missed. I have also forgiven myself for believing the lie that I wasn’t enough for you. The thing about super villains is every villain has the potential to be a hero and sometimes they started as a hero but lost track of what they were fighting for so they became weak, thus becoming a villain. The thing about dragons is they seem rough and scary at first because they are seen as destructive beasts but if treated right and loved unconditionally they can be the most helpful and gentle of creatures.

You may not have chosen me but, dad, I choose you. I choose to not give up on you. I choose to pray that you find your way again. I choose to love you even when you make mistakes. I choose not to hold the past against you, because if I were to hold that against you it would hinder our relationship from ever mending.

I may not be able to change what happened between us in the past, but I can do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again in the future. I love you.

Sincerely,
The Daughter Who Chose You

 

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